A Kid Dropped His Backpack In The Commons Area Today…

…And a CD copy of Pantera’s “Far Beyond Driven” was clearly visible in the pile of papers and 3-ring binders. No one else saw it, he was pretty quick to pack everything up; but I did. This surprised me for a number of reasons, for one because I was surprised to see that someone in his early 20’s still buys CDs. I was pretty sure I was the only one who still did that, considering the frequency in which I’ve been able to buy a CD for under $3 in recent months. Secondly, this guy looked pretty “normal”…you know, not like a white supremacist (there you go again, for everyone stumbling upon this looking for neo-nazis). I mean, sure, when you’re in 8th grade and listen to Pantera, it’s acceptable to look pretty normal because you likely don’t understand the implications of such actions. But, even privately, supporting a band like Pantera after high school requires a commitment…dressing like a scuzzy dirtrocker, probably a few antisocial tatoos, one of those keychains that has a bottle opener attached. Third- I work on a campus where the predominant educational programs lie in construction management, digital media design, and interior design. This guy didn’t fit the profile for any one of those: not gristled enough to be into construction, not dressed well-enough to hang with the interior design crowd, and well, I really don’t know anything about the digital media crew. They all seem to have laptops, though, and this kid didn’t. So why Pantera in 2008? I mean, this is a post-Dimebag Darrell era we’re living in. I try not to wax philosophical, but it’s the kind of question that intellectual careers are predicated upon. I probably would have thought nothing of it had he not so hurriedly stuffed it back in his bag. Fear no shame, young man, there’s probably other people out there who “get it”. I don’t, but it’s not my place to make judgements…I simply make observations. Keep your head up- and maybe consider an IPod or something to avoid potentially embarrassing situations down the line.

As a side note, I totally did my best Phil Anselmo impression immediately after the incident…and you bet it was inside the workroom with the door closed. I was just being polite about the “no shame” bit.

OH and last PPS…I had a photograph taken of myself last night with devil horns on, holding my diploma, and the caption now reads “No Gods, Yes Masters”. Ain’t I clever?

Ross and Jon Rock the Vote

On Friday, Ross called me up and said, “Hey, wanna go vote?” And we did. Early voting is usually an old person exclusive event, but neither of us work on Friday so we decided to go. And indeed, there were a lot of old people there. I wish I can report that something ridiculous happened, but nothing really did. Some old guy asked if he could see my sample ballot and I absentmindedly said yes, forgetting that I had filled it out. I don’t think he was pleased with what he saw. Also, unfortunately neither Ross nor I was number 666 in line, which was one of our goals.

To be honest, I was hoping for more of a spectacle. I wanted to be ridiculed for my beliefs. I wanted to see someone take a swing at someone else. But everyone was calm despite the hour and a half wait.

Later that night, I was driving and saw some people on the side of the road holding McCain signs. I briefly considered giving them the finger, but thought better of it and just gave them the ol’ thumbs down. One of them had a sign that said, “Don’t tax me, bro” which I thought was pretty funny. On the other hand, the rest of the signs were mostly anti-Muslim propaganda. At first I was bothered but then I made a plan…since I already voted, I am going to have some free time on election day. I’m thinking of making some ridiculous signs and holding them outside my polling place. Ross, this is your formal invitation. I really want to push the boundaries of good taste if possible, so I’m open to suggestions.

Well I’ll be damned

http://iguessimfloating.blogspot.com/2008/10/video-jeff-mangum-engine-live-102008.html
If you don’t know who the guy is, then this is likely meaningless…but if you know who the guy is, then this is pretty damn near impossible to believe.

Hey Jon, want to go to Kentucky on Thursday?

Great Quotes in World History

“When you get to be a certain age, it really doesn’t matter what gender you are anymore.”

My father, context unknown, 2008.

More crucially important drawings done when I should have been doing even more important things

This is Lobster Boy wearing oven mitts in order to hide the shame of his physical appearance. Unfortunately, he mistook a slice of pizza as a necktie…so, you know, that’s still pretty shameful.

This is a dalmation who watched the film version of “The Rocketeer” one too many times.

This is John Rambo giving the annual State of Kicking Ass Address to either a bunch of amorphous blobs or pieces of bodies that one stood full of life before they were blown up by a grenade.

This is the nephew of Frankenstein’s monster, who is kind of a lazy, hippie asshole who won’t get a job because he won’t work for “the man”. He is, however, really good at hacky sack…are you at all surprised?

Oh and if you were to do a tiny bit of research, you would be able to find out who signs my paychecks. Sayin’.

Investment Tips

Right now, it looks like gold and silver are the way to go. Buy some, hide it in your mattress (but not THAT mattress, the one in the spare room, when the revolution comes they won’t look there) or bury it in your backyard (possibly in the ribcage of a dead pet in the backyard pet cemetary).

Food futures are another solid investment. We’re all going to be eating roadkill soon because only the social elite will be able to afford canned goods. I don’t really understand the economics of this one, but trust me, if India is already suspending trade of their futures, then it’s probably going to be worth some CHEDDAH.

CDs, while only giving you a 3-4% return, are still a safe bet. I mean, it’s kind of a long way to go for like $40, but that extra $40 is going to buy a new home by the time you can cash it in. Unless you have around a hundred grand…then you’ll get upwards of 9 or 10 percent returns. But in that instance, you may be safer by paypal-ing that sum over to bringbackthemagic@gmail.com. I swear to christ I’ll thank you on the insert to the next record I put out.

Failing everything else, my sage-like advice to you…stock up on blankets, sternos, gun powder, dandelions (for soup, of course), batteries, and whatever else you think you may be able to barter. Start establishing collectives in your neighborhood- ensure that there will be a tradepost, a community fire, and a pitbull breeding farm for security purposes. If you have access to the local armory, begin planning to reappropriate the old tanks and submarines.

Me? I’m going to build a raft and sail it to a desert island, because for the first time, that seems reasonably appealing.

Pitch for a new sitcom, courtesy of Jon and Ross

Everyone’s heard of a haunted house, usually due to a death occurring within the walls of the home with the spirit of the deceased seeking refuge in the dark corners. Well, wouldn’t it make sense that when one dies in an apartment that hauntings would also happen there? Of course.

This sets the stage for Hipster Ghost. A young couple has recently moved into a quaint space in gentrified  Manhattan, when they begin to notice inexplicable, ultimately absurd disruptions in their daily life. The bookmark in the Lisa’s German Baroque poetry collection has been moved to a page with a more lyrical scheme. The empty bottle of Chardonnay that doubles as a flower holder has been turned upside down with the word “juxstapose” spelled out in nutrional yeast on the counter. The reasonably priced mountain bike- a remnent of the couple’s previous home in rural West Virginia- has been converted to a fixed gear. Somehow both of their blue jeans feel increasingly tighter as time passes. PJ, the husband, swears he heard the faint and apathetic mumbling of “BOO…I guess” late one night as he was preparing for bed.

Unbeknownst to the couple, the apartment is in fact habitated by J. Perry Holkins, who reached his untimely demise in June of 2006 at one of the secret loft shows frequented by the social elite of the indie rock scene in NYC. He and a colleague from the record store had been engaged in conversation over the fatuous nature of mankind when his friend asked “Wouldn’t the world, like, be better if, like, we weren’t here” before exiting the room to find another beer. J. Perry, not realizing that his friend had merely intimated that maybe they should go check out another party, said “Yeah, like, for sure” to himself and decided to take the fatalistic approach, purposely swollowing a novelty smiley face keychain holder that he had bought several weeks before for the undeniable irony.

Doomed to resolve his disgust for “the drones of modern society” that he mentally manufactured during his short 26 years on the planet, J. Perry must now find a way to relate to the common man through their own lifestyle and belongings. Meanwhile, PJ and Lisa must adjust to the big city…but fear not, because J. Perry is right behind them to make sure they’re stylish and jaded enough to fit in with the rest of the Big Apple. Hijinks insue at every twist and turn- there, my friends, you have Hipster Ghost.

Great Disappointments in My Life, Vol. 1

A few weeks ago, I was watching an episode of Seinfeld entitled “The Wizard.” Now, I find this to be a particularly great episode (I actually was going to write a huge post about it, but the blog ate it). One of the side plots involves George lying to Susan’s parents about having a house in the Hamptons. At some point, they find out he is lying and call his bluff, accepting his invitation to the house. As they are sitting in the car, George makes one final attempt to get out of it. They again call his bluff, and George says, “All right, you want to get nuts? Come on, let’s get nuts!”

Now, upon viewing this episode for the first time in years, I found that to be a pretty amazing piece of dialogue. Unfortunately, while my mind was wondering at work the other day, I recalled that quote from Batman. All they were doing was referencing Batman.

I was pretty bummed out.

Hay Guyzzz, Let’s Be Facebook Friends, LOLZ.