In keeping with Jon’s assertions in his last post…

I will recount some of the moments in my life where I’ve questioned the education I was paying for and receiving.

Quantitative Business Tools I & II @ UCF, Daytona Campus, I would guess around 2004.

There is no possible way someone can comprehend Quantitative Business Tools without spending 4 months in a classroom with the man who’s name can only be spoken with reference to things unrelated to his craft. Jon covered most of the important points, but there are a few things I’d like to add.

We were once given a 120 question exam, I think in part II of the course. The class did so poorly (if you’re asking me, likely due to the fact that he spent the majority of each class talking about Mount Nittany and how anthropologists would die poor and alone, rather than teaching anything related to business, math, or even scholarly education) that he curved the exam to only count around 38 of the questions for credit. Being that I typically made a valiant effort to succeed in this class, I think I ended up with like a 140% on the test…still meaning that I only answered like 50 of the original 120 questions correctly.

The professor also once lobbied the University to allow him to teach one week when the college was shut down due to a pretty intense hurricane that came through town. All classes were canceled, offices were closed, homes were damaged, but still he insisted that his class would not be halted by nature. I’m pretty certain he lost that battle, but I can only imagine the wrath that fell upon the University of Central Florida.

Astronomy AST 1102, Seminole Community College, I’d guess like 2002 or 2003.

Once again, Jon hit the highlights with this one as well. But I would like to add some funny stories:

One time he had this kid sit on one of those swiveling office chairs in the front of the class, and he proceeded to spin him around while walking in slower circles around the chair. This all would have been fine- he was trying to explain orbits or something- had he told any of us what he was doing prior to the demonstration, prompting the kid spinning on the chair to ask, in mid-orbit, “what are we DOING?”

Another time he recounted how you might utilize the position of stars to find your way home after you had been: kidnapped, thrown into a van, rendered unconscious, awoke in a remote desert somewhere. All of these were discussed in such great detail that it was clear that this had either happened to our professor, or he had planned to or had carried out such a plot. There’s so much more, but again- probably wouldn’t make sense had you not been there to talk about Supergiants and Brown Dwarfs with the guy.

Sex Roles in Modern Society, UCF, 2005…last semester of school

OK, with credit due to my friend Nelson, he warned me about this professor but I chose to ignore his advice. This was by far the dumbest class I ever took, even trumping the handwriting improvement classes I had to take in 1st grade. First of all, the teacher was sort of a moron- she’s what made me realize that I could finish a Master’s Degree, because if she could do it, I imagine my pet birds could probably excel in post-doctorate programs. Her idea of discussing gender roles was to bring up whatever issue she heard Taco Bob talking about on the drive to class and ask the men and women what we respectively thought of it. Once she had us each bring in a piece of music that thought represented us to play for the class, and I was denied when I tried to play Sleep’s “Jerusalem” for the full 52 minutes. Also, on the last day of class she passed out these handouts that included her home address, phone number, and email address like we might hang out over the summer or some nonsense. Her email address was also something like RavenPrincess at whatever.com, which yielded some good jokes for a couple days.

This class also taught me that if you’re good at sports, you don’t have to do anything in school. Case in point- the entire starting lineup of the UCF basketball team was in this class, and when they made it to the NCAA tournament that year (despite being knocked out in the 2nd round or something), they never showed up again and all managed to pass.

Ancient Incas, UCF, very first semester after transferring from the community college…so, like 2003?

Nothing really offensive or crazy in this class, except for the fact that the professor was regarded as, like, THE expert on the Incas in Florida. She knew more about their culture than I’ve ever learned about American history. Once she brought in all these Incan weapons and started demonstrating how to use them, right in the front of the classroom. There is absolutely nothing similar to seeing your professor throw a spear across the room while wearing a grass skirt. Another time I’m pretty sure she brought drugs in for the class to see, because she kept talking about how coca leaves are outlawed in the U.S. or something.

Maybe more later.

Tags: backgammon, corpse paint, falling off balconies at spring break, jerry mathers as the beaver, Penn St. University