Jon Goes to Orlando to See The Walkmen and Reviews it in the Style of “Ulysses”

Here is a brief review of the Walkmen show I went to last night, really I just wanted to add something text-based to the blog but anyway, I almost broke one of my personal rules and paid for parking but I had no cash so I had to walk 3 blocks in the rain to the Social so I’m really wet and I get there at 10:00 (1 hour after the show was supposed to start) and the band Strangers is setting up and at this point I’m assuming the other opening band has already played, then this Strangers band finishes up, and closes with the worst stage dialogue I’ve ever heard (“We’re Strangers, and we have nothing to say”) and I’m ready for the Walkmen now but they start bringing other instruments out and oh god is that a fiddle and it becomes clear I will not be seeing the Walkmen, but I will be seeing the 2nd opening act, Mumpsy and while Strangers tried too hard to be cool, these guys probably didn’t try hard enough and also spent a completely-unacceptable-for-an-opening-band 35 minutes to set up but midnight finally rolls around and the Walkmen come on and blow the other bands out of the water so badly that I assume they aren’t bands anymore, like all the members just woke up this morning and they now have jobs at a bank or a school or something – their main set was almost all new songs, and then they did a four song encore of songs some guy had asked to hear (and he picked really good songs, so good for him) and I thought they might do a 2nd encore but then “Straight Outta Compton” started playing over the PA and I drove home in the rain and saw a really big accident, came home, ate a sandwich (American cheese, lettuce, and tomato on wheat), took a Zyrtec and went to bed.